Parenting During a Time of Crisis

By now you are probably all aware of the shooting incident at an elementary school in Connecticut.  Each of us has been impacted in some way by the incident.  I would like to put a few tools into the hands of parents to help them have conversations with their kids about this unexplainable violence that happens periodically here and around the world.  In particular I'd like to point you toward a link at the bottom of this blog.  It's an online interview from a radio station in Atlanta where Andy Stanley, lead pastor of North Point Community Church helps answer some of the toughest questions we get as Christians and maybe even some of the questions that as Christians we don't verbalize ourselves.

Even if you don't need this information now, as your children begin to engage the world, study history, see movies, read books and watch the news, they will begin to ask difficult more critical questions that we ourselves may be asking.  So take a few minutes, peruse through the links provided and add some "tools" to your parenting toolbox for future use.

Dr. Henry Cloud, co-author of the Boundaries series, offered the following on his Facebook account this past week.  I have abbreviated a few of the points so if you would like to see the full version, then please click on the link at the end.

1. If your children have heard about it, they need to know their loved ones are listening and present for them.
2. Stay calm as your reactions can either scare or calm them.  Process your feelings with other adults NOT your children.
3. Hang out.  Stay near and around.
4. Give them chances to talk and to express what they are feeling.  You need to know what they know and to clarify things for them.
5. Watch for changes in behaviors (clinging, sleep disturbances, anxiety, fights, withdrawal).  Find out what is going on and get them help if it persists.
6. Remind them that they are safe.  Emphasize the "bigness" of the good guys and that you are here to protect them along with teachers, police, firefighters, etc.  Strong people are all around them who will keep them safe.
7. Return to normal life routines and structures.
8. If they are aware of the incident, help them to reach out to those affected (letters or donations).
9. Do not let them see news reports replaying over and over.  Kids do not sometimes realize that video loops playing over and over are not all one event that has already happened.  Get them away from TV news.  Do something fun with them.
10. Realize that you have great power to make their world safe again as they feel the security of normal life and are surrounded by loved ones.

Source:  https://www.facebook.com/DrHenryCloud?ref=ta

On-line Resources
Coping with Tragedy
http://www.cde.ca.gov/ls/ss/cp/tragedy.asp

Talking with Kids about Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers
http://www.nasponline.org/resources/handouts/talkingviolence.pdf

How to Help Children Cope with Trauma/Grief (English and Spanish)
http://www.scoe.org/docs/safe/coping-with-trauma.pdf

How to Talk to Your Child about Violence
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/12/14/connecticut-school-shooting-what-to-tell-your-kids/.#.UMvmGTdeJf4.facebook

Helping Kids During Crisis
This website has many links to specific topics around violence, loss, grief and also preparedness for future events.
http://www.schoolcounselor.org/content.asp?contentid=672

The Bert Show: CT Shootings
An on-air interview with Andy Stanley, North Point Community Church, Alpharetta, GA, giving answers to some of our hardest questions and sharing some hopeful insights.
http://thebertshow.com/ctshooting/

I hope that these links are helpful. If anyone needs some additional support, please feel free to contact me directly.

Pastor Terri