Beth Moore coming via Simulcast to Hillside Church of Marin - September 14th.

Moms, Grandmothers, Aunts, Sisters, Cousins, Friends....Women who we are and women who we have in our lives all need to set aside time to "fill up" again.  Life is full of challenges and some times we can manage them well and other times they swamp us.  Realizing this, Hillside Church of Marin is providing an opportunity for all women to come together and fill up, maybe to the point of overflow.  Can you even image?  I know.  It's seems more normal to be tired and drained than to be rested and full.  Can I challenge you to carve out some time on September 14th to come and challenge the normal?

Hillside is one of two churches in the San Francisco/North Bay area to offer this special simulcast.  Tickets are $25/person.  You can purchase your tickets on Sundays or during the week from the church office or you can go on line to www.hillsidemarin.org and look under "events" and click through to our Eventbrite website.  It's only a few clicks and you can charge your ticket purchase.  Your ticket will include a lovely lunch and an opportunity to network together with other local women from a variety of churches in Marin, Sonoma and beyond.

If you need more information or have any questions, please contact me at terri@hillsidemarin.org or call me directly at 415-924-2297 x104.

Hillside Women: if money is the issue that is going to keep to from attending - please contact me ASAP.  

Please use the social media buttons below to share this information with others you know.  Thank you!

Coming to Hillside Church of Marin this Fall just for young families!

I have spent the first part of the summer looking into ways that we can open our church doors wide and create a place for Hillsiders to invite their friends and neighbors to come to Hillside Church of Marin.  I felt like it needed to be something that met a need in the community around the church as well.  I think I have found a couple and want to share one of them with you today.  Take a look at Mainly Music and please consider participating in this program this fall.

Mainly Music is a music program designed to help parent and young child experience music in a fun and creative way while providing social support for both parent and child in a safe and friendly context.

Mainly Music is a Christian program that is open to believers as well as non-believers.  Sessions consists of 8 weeks and has a small fee to cover the costs of weekly refreshments.  Each week, adults bring their children for a 30 minute session of music and movement.  Adults and caregivers participate in the session, modeling the music and movement for their child.  This is a special time for both parent/caregiver and the child.  The second half of the hour is where refreshments are served to the adults and they are given a chance to meet and connect to others in the the session.  The children during this time are still being watched by their parent/caregivers but are able to "free play"in the room with toys that we will be providing.   The children, like their parents/caregivers, will also be building friendships during this time.  A simple snack and water are provided for the children.  The whole concept is to keep things simple and uncomplicated so that it is easy for parents/caregivers to participate.

A Mainly Music team is being currently assembled for this ministry.  I am looking for people willing to provide home baked goodies each week of a session (sessions are 8 weeks and there are a minimum of 3 sessions a year), someone who will help greet, help with name tags and signing in at the door as people arrive, someone to help set up the refreshments and put them away and finally two music and movement leaders, one primary and one as helper/sub.  All positions except the leader can truly be done by anyone.  The leader positions take some musical confidence but they do not require someone to be a singer or a dancer.  Music with young children is really all about knowing the music well enough to lead those who are not as familiar with it and help them have a good time.  The prep for the leader is minimal.  Church will supply all the materials needed (Music CDs, printed words to the songs, kid-friendly musical instruments, scarfs, ribbon wands, etc.) to help make it interactive and fun.  Leaders provide guidance and the rest of the team create the hospitality that will make it easy for young parents to participate.  If you are interested in participating in Mainly Music or would like more information regarding the program or a volunteer position, please contact me directly at terri@hillsidemarin.org or 415-924-2297 x104.

Last Saturday night, the Hillside Community gathered with around a 130 in attendance for an evening of dessert and vision casting for the coming year.  

Here is what was shared in the program booklet regarding HillsideKids that night:

Since the arrival of our current environments, Waumba Land and UpStreet/Avenue252 in fall 2008, HillsideKids has seen steady growth of around 10% a year.  That means on a weekly basis we are Better Together with around seventy children a week and two dozen leaders.  We are a significant part of what happens on this hill each week.  

We live out Better Together as the church and the parents by forming a partnership for the benefit of the spiritual formation of our children.  HillsideKids through their volunteers, leaders, innovative curriculum and tools help parents be prepared and equipped to weave faith conversations into everyday life.  

Here are some of the ways that we actively partner with parents so that we are truly Better Together:

• Small Group Leaders:  Consistent leaders for your kids that truly know them and love them, investing multiple years into building a relationship with you as well as your child that allows them to say things to your kids that a good parent would say.
• ParentCue app:  app that gives parents direct access to their child’s curriculum as well as parenting tips, training and encouragement.
• Legacy app: This app will tell you exactly how much time you have left to be a major influencer of your child.  It’s an eye opener and a great reminder of how we need to use our time wisely with our kids.
• ParentCue Take Home:  Monthly take home papers that contains current month information that they can use to lead their children in faith discussions in the ordinary places of their lives.
• GodTime:  For elementary students to use as a personal devotional or for families to use as a family devotion.  Contains four daily activities to use between Sundays.
• HillsideKids Facebook page:  A way for all of our families to connect.  One of our primary communication tools about upcoming events and to see photos from events once they happen.   www.facebook.com/HillsideKidsMarin
• HillsideKids Blog:  Blog written specifically for parents of HillsideKids, contains a lot of information that cannot be contained in our all church newsletter, along with posts on parenting helps.  http://hillsidefamilyministry.blogspot.com
• Add me to your Twitter feed: @tmw4kidz where I will connect you to other sources of great parenting information and fun.

Don’t have kids in the program?  You will still want to know this stuff - because you do know someone who does need what we have in HillsideKids.  Someone in your neighborhood, at your work place, at your gym.  Please take a risk and be bold for the sake of their kids, invite those families to partner with us.  We have something unique and really good here at Hillside that needs to be shared because we truly are Better Together!  

Thanks to all of you who have signed up with HillsideKids Facebook and blog and joined me in the Twitter-spere!  If there's anything else you'd like to know about HillsideKids or Hillside, be sure to drop me a message, email, text or tweet. 

Blessings,

Terri

What's a Parent to Do!  Boundaries.

On Sunday mornings as I watch our families come and go, I am constantly hearing how busy everyone is, pressed for time and pressed for energy.  In the midst of that, their children are pushing all their buttons. You know what I am talking about, right? I thought maybe I would share a few parenting encouragements and strategies for the frazzled parent among you!

First, I want to remind you that you are not alone.  I know you know others who are in your exact same place but also remember that there are those who have been where you are now.  They can be a great resource to you.  By only surrounding yourself with people in the same age-and-stage of life as yourself, you are missing a great pool of wisdom and support.  Seek out women who are slightly beyond your stage to get advice from but also to trade childcare. Let's face it, who wants to watch three two year olds? But if you have a friend beyond your stage, you might have a 2nd grader, Kindergartener and a two-year old.  Then it becomes more fun for everyone as the older children play and help with the 2-yr old?  Also consider joining one of the many Mother's Clubs or MOPS in your area for additional support.  Diversify your pool of friends.

Another tendency I see is to cater to children's wants like they are needs.  Because parents are so busy, they just want the current behavior to stop so they can get done what they need to get done.  This often takes the form of bribery or barter. If you have a certain number of things that have to get done each day then you simply must help your children learn to self-sooth, self-care and entertain themselves as much as age-appropriately possible.  This is the essence of setting "boundaries." Not just for them but also for you.  The first step in setting boundaries is establishing some rules around expected behaviors.  For example, you have kids who are always interrupting you while you are on the phone.  When everyone is in a calm, listening state, tell the children that when you are on the phone that they are not to interrupt you for anything less than an emergency. Define emergency for them. Then give them the consequence for what will happen if they interrupt you.  Then when they interrupt your first phone call (they always check to see if you meant what you said - pushing the boundary) you must excuse yourself off the phone, implement the consequence and then remind them of the rule and the consequence and make the phone call back to whoever it was you were talking to before the interruption.  It takes some dedication and work to put boundaries in place but the plus side is when you are able to talk on the phone uninterrupted. You will actually gain time over time.  Learn to set healthy boundaries.

Setting boundaries are beneficial to everyone in the family.  It begins to put a strong foundation of trust and love into the family that everything else can be built on.  Do not let the fact that you work outside the home contribute guilt to your parenting picture.  Everyone does what they must to do to keep the family healthy (physically, emotionally, financially).  You go to work, they go to school, everyone works to keep the house picked up (chores), everyone contributes to family life.  That attitude will help keep everyone in balance.  

Make your "Yes" yes and your "No" no.  You are the parent.  You need to take responsibility for decision making in your family over most things.  You don't ask your children if they want to go to the doctor, right?  Yet many parents will ask their kids if they want to do something, even if the parent really wants their child to do it.  The example I see weekly is parents asking their little one if they want to go to "their church" today.  If you want spiritually healthy kids who share life with kids with similar values, you must make the decision.  When you ask a 4 year old if they want to go anywhere where you are not, what you are really saying is do you want to be with me or apart from me.  Their reply is already known - especially if they are new or come on an irregular schedule. Decisions should be age-level appropriate for the kids and for you.

Schedule!  Make one and keep it.  Kids thrive with predictability and consistency and so will you.  There can be spontaneity but it is rare and must still hold to the kids physical needs.  Things like the time that they get up, go to bed, and eat need to be constants.  A life raising children means that we put aside our own "wants" in order to meet those basic needs of our children.  But it's not all sacrifice!  Good boundaries give you back some freedom to do the more important things within the framework of the kids schedules.  

Saying no to invitations & commitments that stretch you too far.  I really want to encourage parents to care less about what others may think or say.  What would really happen if you don't go to a birthday party of a classmate, or don't attend a dinner party because you need time with your kids? Take a hard look at your calendar.  Is it a people pleasing calendar?  Are there things on it that are there just because you felt you had to be there or you or your child might be the only one NOT there?  Are you dragging your kids to events and activities because you want the time out of the house or are avoiding your own responsibilities?  These two things really set the wrong example for your children and bring a lot of chaos into your life.  Let them go.  People pleasing leads to anxiety filled lives - peace is stolen and joy exits. Selfish acts destroy families over time.  It always starts with statements like "I deserve..." "I have earned..." the fact is that you can schedule time for yourself without dragging your kids along.  Work with your spouse/partner or a network of support from other areas like grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends to create space for you while protecting your child's schedule for bedtime, nap time, and meals. Keep in mind what is best for the entire family?  It is much harder to say no at times but there is freedom in setting a healthy boundary and keeping it.  Children will thrive, communication improves as you move from dealing with the urgent to working the plan.

The task we have been given is parents is to raise our children into healthy, productive, contributing adults.  As Christian parents it is also to keep our families grounded in the Bible, growing in our faith and relationship with the Lord (see Deuteronomy 6). Keep the end in mind.  We all have known people who were difficult to be with in the work place: lie, fits of anger, gossip, constantly late, underprepared or who lack humility.  Raise your child to not be one of those people by not catering to those behaviors now.  Think about how what they are doing now will translate into as an adult if left uncorrected.  You are forming and guiding this child into adulthood.  You are the primary influencer in your child's life.  So set good boundaries for them and for you (model them).  Simplify and commit to a life that doesn't focus on pleasing people. Invest your time and energy, and theirs, into things that will make a greater difference.  

If you would like to talk more about any specific parenting challenge that you are facing, please feel free to comment below and let's begin a dialogue, using wisdom from those around us.

Blessings,

Pastor Terri

Church-Home Partnerships

Church-Home Partnerships through HillsideKids

One of our core values of HillsideKids is the Church-Home Partnership or also known as Partnering with Parents.   Let me explain what this means for you as a parent within HillsideKids, why it is important and why you may want to explore this partnership more fully.

The core belief behind Partnering with Parents is that a parent is the primary educator and caregiver to their child.  That in God’s perfect plan, parents are set up for success in guiding their children physically, spiritually, intellectually and emotionally.   In light of this core belief, the role of the church becomes more of a support and equipping system for parents, a resource to enable parents to do what God has designed them to do.  A support network for encouragement because this is not an easy task.  We want to be available for you as much as we want to be available for your kids.

For those of you who grew up in a church context, this question is often best understood in the terms of what the church doesn’t do anymore.   The church isn’t the sole owner of all things Biblical.  The days of turning your kids over to a Sunday School teacher and never having to teach your kids from the Bible yourself are no longer valid or Biblical.  This is why at Hillside, we do not offer Sunday School for children.  Some people feel it is semantics, but there are some profound differences that are directly related to how kids learn (brain development) as well as how kids develop social networks. At Hillside, we offer age appropriate environments with small group leaders that continue the dialogue with your kids and their peers that you as parents are having at home.  We are supporting you, saying to your kids the things that good parents say but from an adult friend social position.  We don’t have teachers; we have leaders, people who lead your children through an experience each Sunday morning.  Just like us, kids need to reinforce the message of the weekend throughout the week in order to sustain life change and increase in our belief and understanding about Jesus Christ. 

It is important because without life change brought about by the learning from scriptures and the Holy Spirit, church is reduced to an alternate community for you and your kids to belong and participate.  It is seasonal and not formational.  I saw on YouTube a piece by an organization called “Not a Fan” the other day that made this come home for me: “Are you a fan or a follower?” You can check out the clip for yourself: http://youtu.be/_DytnLSoLQc. Our goal is to help every child in our church become a follower and not just a tepid fan of Jesus. 

TOGETHER is better!  It takes both of us working together.  It means that you are doing the hard job of being a Christian Parent with the church equipping you and preparing your child for the journey of faith formation.   The ReThink Group reports that in the average year in the life of the family and they have some amazing statistics used to form what is called the 3000/40 Principle.  The 3000/40 Principle is that at best we may have kids who are consistent to 3 Sundays a month a total of 40 hours per year to lead them in a personal relationship with Christ.  That same kid might have 400 hours per year playing video games and studying, so 40 hours is not much time to influence a child for a lifetime.  Then they looked at the family hours and found that between all the coming and going in a family, time around breakfast, dinner, bath time, bedtime and time in the car most families had roughly 3000 hours per year of unstructured time.   One of the goals of partnering with parents is to help parents to maximize those 3000 hours and point their kids toward sound Biblical teaching and Christian worldview.  To have parents lead their children as the spiritual heads of their home and to help children choose to become Christ-followers, not just fans.

Every effort is made to increase a parent’s knowledge and put a few key tools into their hands each month. 

ParentCue Take Home Papers are handed out each month to help facilitate these faith-based conversations.   They are to empower you as the parent to lead your child though questions and activities that you can do in a variety of ways throughout each week of the month.  In UpStreet & Avenue252, parents also receive a weekly devotional called GodTime.  It is for use as a daily devotional for the older child or as a devotional for the entire family.

ParentCue App.  Download to get the lesson taught the previous Sunday plus  a few great extras like our weekly Bible Story video, take home papers, parenting tips and additional ideas of things you can do with your kids during all those special times (car time, bath time, meal time, bed time) during your day.  It’s available from the AppStore or the Play Store for a one-time small download fee of $1.99.

The HillsideKids Blog contains ongoing content like this article as well as posts about what is happening in the life of our church for kids.  Currently on the blog is an article about one of our core values: Church-Home Partnerships through HillsideKids. Click here to subscribe. Or cut and paste the URL into your browser: http://hillsidefamilyministry.blogspot.com

HillsideKids Facebook Page where photos and snippets of the kids show up from time to time along with information about upcoming events.  It can be a  great way to connect to other parents at Hillside.  Please “LIKE” our page by clicking here! Or cut and paste the URL into your browser:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/HillsideKids/264377103602332

The Parenting Course. Boundaries with Kids is offered once or twice a year at Hillside to allow parents the opportunity to work intentionally on parenting and develop a few new tools for their parenting toolbox.  Next offering will be in April/May.

All of these items add to our Partnering with Parents and are intentional to putting you, the parent, in the driver’s seat of your kid’s faith development.  May our Good Lord and Savior give us all a heart of courage and boldness, strength and endurance for the race set before us! 

On the parenting journey with you!

Terri Woodard, Pastor

Kids & Families

Hillside Church of Marin

twitter.com/tmw4kidz

terri@hillsidemarin.org

Photo Courtesy of The ReThink Group, Inc. Copyright 2012. All rights reserved.

Happy New Year!  

Holiday have passed, reminders of Christmas are boxed up and stored away for another year.  Now what?  In Children's Ministry, it has always been the greatest challenge to help our little concrete thinkers understand that Jesus wasn't born in December to die in March or April!

How can the church partner with families to help give Jesus more of a presence in the life of kids? After all, He did have a life as a child, teen, young adult and an adult.  His ministry did not last very long but it continues to call us to follow Him, even today!

Parents can talk about Jesus as a real person.  Wonder with your kids about what Jesus' life might have been like.  Go to the library and pull a few books on what life was like in "Bible" times.  Begin to grow the world that Jesus lives in from a "good story" to something that is more tangible.  Make a strong memory for your kids to hold on to as they continue to grow in their own faith.

Here at Hillside, we have invested in so many ways to bring your kids into a faith-filled experience each week.

1)  Dedicated leaders, parent helpers and other volunteers bring faith to life each week.   I cannot say enough wonderful things about these Hillsiders who have committed themselves to the discipleship of young children at Hillside.  If you see someone in a HillsideKids shirt on Sunday, be sure to stop and say thank you.  When you see an announcement for the needs of helpers so that the dedicated volunteers can have some time off, please step up.  One of the best ways to show your appreciation and to encourage others to continue in their ministry is to sub for them once in a while.  Don't assume that someone else is going to do it.  If God is nudging you, then you are the one we need!

2) Amazing curriculum to present us with a framework for discipleship is such a gift.  As a children's ministry leader for over 25 years, I know what a gem we have been given using the materials from the reThink Group or Orange Curriculum.  It is easy for the volunteers to use, it is consistently good and on target for discipling the kids at all the age/grade levels and it is parent friendly.  Being able to put tools in the hands of the person who most influences the child is huge!  Parents, please take what we give you and use it.  It will grow you and you will find out how amazingly close to God your kids really are and how much more they want to be.  God created each of us with a God-size hole that can only be filled by a relationship with Jesus.  Knowing the Son is knowing the Father.  Please, this week, commit to doing at least one thing on the take home paper "ParentCue" or helping your elementary child work through a day or two of the "GodTime" devotionals.  You might even find that your love and passion for the Lord is strengthen and revived as well.

Here's what you have to look forward to from HillsideKids!

In Waumba Land (preschool ministry), we continue to focus on three core principles:  God Made Me, God Loves Me and Jesus wants to be my friend forever.   January finds the kids learning about how they can talk to Jesus (pray).  The Waumba Land team wants to encourage parents to use the tools that our leaders send home with them: the monthly scripture verse with hand motions, as well as the ParentCue sheet with a full month of activities on it for parent and child to do together.

UpStreet and Avenue252 (elementary-aged ministry) is looking at the virtue of Determination. Determination this month is being defined as "deciding it's worth it to finish what you've started."  Who doesn't want their child to learn this principle early in life.  To help kids connect to the Life App/Virtue  we are using a "sport/running" theme each week to make it fun and interesting. We have a theme slogan this month:  Bthe1.  It means: Be the One who makes a difference (Noah), Be the One who does what God says (Moses), Be the One who sticks by someone in need (Ruth & Naomi), Be the One who works hard because God sees your heart (a work principle from Colossians 3:23-24).

There is a take home "widget" for this month, an orange terrycloth wrist band with the logo "Bthe1" embroidered on it, this will help kids remember to Bthe1 wherever they are this month.  Make sure kids where it back to church each week!   We also want to encourage families to have their elementary aged child bring a Bible to UpStreet or Avenue252 each week.  We actually use them!  They are learning how to navigate through the Bible and it is best if it is the one Bible that they use at home.

Parents might also want to go to the App Store and download the ParentCue App by Orange/reThink Group.  This app will allow you quick and easy access to many of our videos, songs and parenting tips and helps.  It also give you access to activities that you can do with your kids to reinforce what our leaders are sharing with them on Sunday mornings.  Your child's spiritual growth and future can be greatly enriched if parents and church can work together to bring the lessons of Sunday into the rest of their week.  Please go now and download the app.  There is a small one-time fee for this app. If you have already downloaded the app - please comment below on how you are using it and the impact it is making with your kids spiritual formation/growth.

Easter comes early this year, so let's all work together to share Jesus' life with our kids so that they have a better understanding of who wants to be their "friend forever"!

Blessings to each of you in this new year!

Terri Woodard, Pastor Kids & Family
Hillside Church of Marin
terri@hillsidemarin.org

BOTTOM LINE:
1. Talk to your kids about Jesus in a way that speaks to him being a real person.  Imagine what His life might have been like to help give Jesus context to our little ones.
2. Show your support of the dedicated volunteers of HillsideKids by being an age-level helper, parent helper, baby cuddler throughout the year. Consider stepping in when the regular volunteers need time off.  Say thank you to those you see in their HillsideKids shirts.
3. Grab hold of the partnership that we are trying to form with you as parents.  Use the materials that we send home to increase your faith-based dialogue in the house, to grow your child's understanding of your family values as well as to hear what they have learned so far in their small groups. Download the ParentCue App to your smart phone and start using it.
4.  Make sure your elementary child has a Bible (with their name in it, please) and brings it on Sundays.  (questions? talk to me.)
5. For Most: February Mid-Winter Break is 2/18-22, Spring Break is 4/8-12.  Easter is March 31.  Take your GodTimes, ParentCue sheets with you on your break or use the ParentCue App to lead conversations with your kids during the breaks.

Parenting During a Time of Crisis

By now you are probably all aware of the shooting incident at an elementary school in Connecticut.  Each of us has been impacted in some way by the incident.  I would like to put a few tools into the hands of parents to help them have conversations with their kids about this unexplainable violence that happens periodically here and around the world.  In particular I'd like to point you toward a link at the bottom of this blog.  It's an online interview from a radio station in Atlanta where Andy Stanley, lead pastor of North Point Community Church helps answer some of the toughest questions we get as Christians and maybe even some of the questions that as Christians we don't verbalize ourselves.

Even if you don't need this information now, as your children begin to engage the world, study history, see movies, read books and watch the news, they will begin to ask difficult more critical questions that we ourselves may be asking.  So take a few minutes, peruse through the links provided and add some "tools" to your parenting toolbox for future use.

Dr. Henry Cloud, co-author of the Boundaries series, offered the following on his Facebook account this past week.  I have abbreviated a few of the points so if you would like to see the full version, then please click on the link at the end.

1. If your children have heard about it, they need to know their loved ones are listening and present for them.
2. Stay calm as your reactions can either scare or calm them.  Process your feelings with other adults NOT your children.
3. Hang out.  Stay near and around.
4. Give them chances to talk and to express what they are feeling.  You need to know what they know and to clarify things for them.
5. Watch for changes in behaviors (clinging, sleep disturbances, anxiety, fights, withdrawal).  Find out what is going on and get them help if it persists.
6. Remind them that they are safe.  Emphasize the "bigness" of the good guys and that you are here to protect them along with teachers, police, firefighters, etc.  Strong people are all around them who will keep them safe.
7. Return to normal life routines and structures.
8. If they are aware of the incident, help them to reach out to those affected (letters or donations).
9. Do not let them see news reports replaying over and over.  Kids do not sometimes realize that video loops playing over and over are not all one event that has already happened.  Get them away from TV news.  Do something fun with them.
10. Realize that you have great power to make their world safe again as they feel the security of normal life and are surrounded by loved ones.

Source:  https://www.facebook.com/DrHenryCloud?ref=ta

On-line Resources
Coping with Tragedy
http://www.cde.ca.gov/ls/ss/cp/tragedy.asp

Talking with Kids about Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers
http://www.nasponline.org/resources/handouts/talkingviolence.pdf

How to Help Children Cope with Trauma/Grief (English and Spanish)
http://www.scoe.org/docs/safe/coping-with-trauma.pdf

How to Talk to Your Child about Violence
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/12/14/connecticut-school-shooting-what-to-tell-your-kids/.#.UMvmGTdeJf4.facebook

Helping Kids During Crisis
This website has many links to specific topics around violence, loss, grief and also preparedness for future events.
http://www.schoolcounselor.org/content.asp?contentid=672

The Bert Show: CT Shootings
An on-air interview with Andy Stanley, North Point Community Church, Alpharetta, GA, giving answers to some of our hardest questions and sharing some hopeful insights.
http://thebertshow.com/ctshooting/

I hope that these links are helpful. If anyone needs some additional support, please feel free to contact me directly.

Pastor Terri